Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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