dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
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The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
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lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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