Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
That's intense
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
