In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
