I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
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