Your mouth is God's brothel.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
