marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
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