woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
