she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
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