Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
