Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
wrigley field is MILF paradise
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
