guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
