I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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