I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
