I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Even my vagina gasped.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
