3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
