So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Help. Why am I so naked?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
