forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Randomize
