plz talk dirty to me
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Randomize
