my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Randomize
