Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
