I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
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sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
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There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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