Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
