Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
