girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
