we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Randomize
