Pappa wants mamma naked
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
