Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
