It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
