I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Randomize
