Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
