his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
