Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
