I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Vodka?
Forever.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
