So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize