what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
