He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
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