Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
