my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
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