somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Randomize