glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
