My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I use my feet as sexual weapons
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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