i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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