I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
