i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
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