if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
