forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
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