i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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