If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
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