Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
