just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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