Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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