Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
