your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
