Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
