break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
