Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Randomize
