im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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