Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
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Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
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Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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